why you should live

This is a letter to a friend who’s suffering with deep sadness and unmet needs. I wanted to write him a letter called why you should live, and share it with you also, reader. Maybe one day you could use its truth.

Dear friend,

Thank you for messaging me and telling me how you’re doing. I heard you explain how you’re feeling alone, you lack community, you feel stuck. You want your old life back, in your old hometown, with your mom, and the house you grew up in. I heard you cry, and my heart went out to you.

Your feelings matter, and your needs make sense. I’m sorry the world isn’t made for our well-being. The needs of people like you and me don’t matter, to most of the world’s functioning. The world is set up to make more money for already-rich people. But your needs are perfectly normal and ok. It’s the world that’s messed up, not you.

It’s ok to need love, community, and family. That’s how people are supposed to be.

Please don’t give up on yourself. You’re a good, reasonable person. It’s not your fault that you were prescribed medication that you became addicted to, it harmed you, and withdrawal has done so much damage to you.

thank you

Thank you for being real, and for seeking support. I’m sorry the churches aren’t getting back to you, and there are fucked up people who don’t treat others well. I wish the community garden was better. I wish you had hugs, smiles, and easy times with music and friends, in abundance.

We can work on making a better world, but it takes a while. You see a better way, and I do too. That’s why you’ve done a lot of work helping others. We can make pockets of happiness, but it’s hard, and I know you need in person social contact.

I’m sorry Ming and I aren’t in your local area. He’d love to hike with you, and it would be fun to hang out often. I love how you see the world similar to how we do, and we have similar values. We would have a good time together, being good to ourselves, not harming our bodies with drugs or alcohol. We could talk, dance, go for walks, eat good food, and have a relaxing time.

I know there are parts of you I’ve never met, since you’ve been so sad and hurting, these past few years. It would be fun to meet the easygoing parts of you and have a more complete picture of who you are. Maybe one day, that can happen.

the hands we’re dealt

I’m sorry you’re screwed with the drug withdrawal brain injury, and living in a world where you’re not getting your needs met. Please don’t give up. The withdrawal you’re going through is shitty and not fair. The poverty and lack of support is horrible.

But you were dealt a good hand, in other ways. You have a unique brilliance. You have music, and skill in organizing, bands, and singing. Hopefully your uncle loves you, and maybe one day you’ll find new ways to talk openly with him.

I’m glad your mom’s love showed you what love is. Some people never have that. Her love is inside of you always, like a light that can shine to show you the way. It’s not fair that she passed away. I relate to that, and the terror that no one else in the world is going to love me that way. All too much I relate to that feeling you feel, that life without her doesn’t really make sense. The world is full of harm, and she was an almost magical buffer. Sometimes it seems impossible to live without her.

The isolation you feel is horrendous, but it’s temporary. You know how to feel, how to love, how to do community and family. You’re capable of honesty. Do you see that so many people don’t have that? It’s horrible that you can feel, but it’s wonderful too.

plan

God put you here for a reason. I really believe she has a plan for you. You’ve fulfilled parts of it, but there’s so much more to do. Mother God didn’t place you on earth willy nilly, to fuck around, suffer, and die. You’re here to share your vision and shine your light, and the light your mom gave to you. Your ancestors handed you unique gifts, and it’s your responsibility to use them for the good of the world.

I know you’ve already done a lot of good for the world. But there’s more to do. You give back to the world with mutual aid, helping hungry people eat, harm reduction. You have a big heart for people who suffer. Radical mental health and inter-dependent caring with friends is good for you.

good person

Everyone’s made mistakes. But you’re a good person, and you’re going to be ok.

Please hold on, during this difficult time. I have faith in you. Circumstances are shitty right now, but they’ll get better. Just like the weather changes and the seasons change, our life circumstances change. You have friends all over the place, you’re good at talking to people, you’re very bright, and your heart is gold. You’re an asset to the world. Please keep yourself alive for a better day.

Thank you for hearing me about why you should live. I wish I could give you a hug and eat some delicious foods with you. We could cry about our moms and understand each other. Please be kind to your body, walk, spend time in nature, reach out to solid people, and know you are loved.

I’m always your friend, and there are some things we both understand, about California, roses, addiction, and abuse. I’m your soul sister. Please know I’m here for you.

You matter to me. You matter to Ming also. Thank you for continuing and the hard work it takes to live.

Laura-Marie