We did an amazing ritual the other night. It was the night of the day we went to Gilcrease for pumpkin picking with UU friends. I didn’t actually pick a pumpkin, but Ming did. Here’s me holding his pumpkin by the car.
I roamed the place by myself, for a satisfying morning walk. Felt good to be among people but not with people, a ghost version of myself. I toured the chicken coops, lingered near the tortoise habitat, circumnavigated the corn maze, strolled through a grove of pomegranate trees, observed contrived photo opportunity areas, sought Ming, gave up, found Ming and friends. The pomegranate grove was my favorite. The fruit busted open seemed sacred, those red jewels.
The people were there for fun, doing a holiday thing. Much better than people in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, and slightly better than people walking in a park. Those are the only ways I’m in groups lately.
Fall is celebratory in the desert. Many people love the heat. But then others of us welcome fall when we can breathe again.
Speaking of being able to breathe again! I wanted to do this amazing ritual in order to let go of the part of my life I’m detoxing from. So the ritual involved a banishment, but also a thank you to my mom, and some communication to a grandparent ancestor.
Wow, I needed that. It was an amazing ritual for its brevity and direct emotional honestly. Ming joined me. He stood by me and helped, lighting the candle when I asked him to, and helping burn a piece of paper for the banishment part.
At a table in the Rice Room, not at my regular altar, I set the materials before me: candle, mini cauldron, art paper with my mom’s name, photo including my grandparent with her sisters and parents in England, letter, art to burn, and two poetry memes.
Felt great to have these materials to assist me. With more time and energy to plan, I could have assembled flowers, stones, herbs. Maybe another day I can do something more elaborate.
Banishment is a big deal. I was ready to do something final, to shift my energy away from what’s been harming me. Total commitment. It was edgy and took some guts, but I’m really glad I chose that finality. I spoke some words, had some art with words written on it, crossed it out, and burned that shit.
Yes, you know you’ve done a ritual when you burn something in a cauldron. Having burned a few things before, I knew it might take some effort. Luckily the long-nosed lighter had enough fluid in it, and Ming helped me, when my muscles hurt. We took turns.
Banishment is a big step, and I’m proud of myself for committing to necessary change. More about the results of that later.
The part thanking my mom felt good and right also, thanking her for her help. I don’t usually talk to her; I try to leave her be, on the other side. It was a special occasion, to speak to her where I believe her to be, in the cloud of Shakti energy where she is vibrating with other Shakti energy. Felt great to tell her I love her and miss her, thank her for the message she gave me, and thank her for how she carried me and taught me how to love.
I did feel she was near, or I was near her. In a way she’s always near, as close as my own cells, my own body.
The grandparent I spoke with, that felt great too. I stood up to face the direction she’s in, and I spoke my loving truth to her. Ming stood behind me; I felt supported and loved. I apologized to my grandparent for the ways she and I didn’t connect well in this lifetime, and suggested that maybe we could connect more in another life.
Felt amazing to tell her what she can no longer hear. I thanked her for some things she did for me when I was little. I hope my message reached her. It was an amazing ritual–maybe something magical happened, and she could hear me in her heart. Either way, felt good to speak it.
After the ritual, Ming and I cleaned up, and I went to bed. I’d been craving green olives, and we have some stuffed with garlic. Ming opened the jar and served me three large green olives as my grounding snack, and I drank water. Then I went to bed.
I’d never gone to sleep right after a ritual. Felt kind of weird, not to mull it over for a while or unwind. But I was at the end of my day, and I really wanted to do the ritual while the desire was vivid in me. It was: do it then, or risk not doing it at all.
I love rituals on non-ritual days. Not a full moon, not a new moon, not a holiday or equinox or solstice. Regular days! Hahaha–yes. Ordinary days are my power days. Every day is a day to be real.
I slept on this ritual and got almost seven hours of sleep, which is good. In the morning, I had a few realizations about the banishment. My close friends had been telling me what they saw me experiencing, and I couldn’t believe them. But waking up the morning after the banishment, suddenly I understood what they were talking about.
So the banishment helped me. I could break the spell I was under, so I can see other perspectives. Praise Mother God, I can get outside of my own addiction process and have a better view.
Then my mom and other ancestors help me feel strong to do what I need to do, to stay on track and complete my life’s work. I was crying on Ming as he slept, pondering what I could newly understand.
What do you think about this ritual? Is this what your rituals are like? Maybe you are not a witch. I left out parts, like the song at the beginning. It was Jai Maa, a basic Mother song I can belt out at any time.
That room has fantastic acoustics. I prayed at the beginning, then welcomed the directions. Not sure I need to do that, but it does feel good, to situate myself in space. It’s a good habit.
I still need to bury the ashes in the garden. They’re still in the cauldron, which is on my altar. Looks pretty right now, though full. Love to your autumn, boundaries, choices.