Hey, thought you might like to see my breakfast of champion. It’s free box rice, free box cabbage, soyrizo, salt, and butter. What a delicious treat. I wish I could share with you, esteemed reader.
I was eating breakfast of champion out in the driveway, catching some morning rays. Unfortunately, it was trash day–the neighbor’s trash cans had flies flying around, and they found me.
Also the neighbors have a lot of dog poop in their front yard. They seem to have many dogs and pick up the poop once a month! So it’s a poop field.
But I enjoyed the rays. Ming visited me. He was really stressed out even though it was early in the morning. I looked at the neighbor’s yard and realized why some people smoke weed right away. Yes, it’s a stressful world.
Ming has a knack for taking pictures of me with things sticking out of my head. Light poles, street sign posts, stop sign posts. This one has a tree sticking out of my head, which is fine with me. Seems appropriate.
Thank you, sweetheart, for patiently taking pics of me. The photo shoots are fun. Thank you for helping me heal the hatred of my body that I felt for most of my life. Your pictures help me see myself as a valid person. You heal me so many ways. You’re fucking amazing.
My friend suggests we start a tree cult. I kind of think I’m a tree cult of one. I’ve spent my life worshiping trees, for as long as I can remember. Why not? What could be better?
I’m keen on mammals too. Ming bought me a veggie burger from the Habit. I’d been craving the tempura green beans and thought I’d try their veggie burger too. Ming asked for no onion, and for mayo instead of honey mustard.
I bit in, and I was like–this is thousand island, not mayo. And where’s the cucumbers? Hmm, this is not a veggie burger..!
I asked Ming to have some. He agreed it was not a veggie burger. I was pretty sad they messed up our order, that I accidentally ate some cow.
mammals are for love
Sorry I ate you, sweetheart. Mammals are for love, not for dinner, in my life. I felt pretty despondent, I let down Team Mammal.
But at least most days I do not eat mammals. I contribute to mammal death in other ways, like eating cowsmilk. Or eating at all, as mice are killed by the plow, and raccoons are hit by trucks transporting my fruits and veg. Sorry about that too.
Uh oh, I’m saddened. I will ask a tree to help me.
Love to the arbophiles, the botanic gardeners, all the friends who introduce me to their trees, and all who help me learn about plant life and hug life.