Dangerous Compassions

birthday dream


I had a birthday dream I was at the ashram I used to go to in Sacramento.  But it was different from how it really was.  Ming and I were in a big hall.  People were arriving from far away, mostly dressed in monk’s attire.  And then other people were excited to see them.

More and more people I didn’t know were showing up.  I was like, “Oh, I didn’t know there was an event today.”  The event meant I wanted to leave.  I wasn’t expected to sing, so I was going to take off and avoid the crowd.

R was wearing monk’s attire and was headed for the back part of the building where only monks go.  He was telling Ming they were doing an event soon to celebrate my birthday.  We were like–ok, when?  It was a BBQ with hamburgers, but of course half the people attending do not eat hamburgers.

mantis video game art

Then I was checking my email on my phone, and R had sent me four emails.  They were art I’d made and half-forgot about.  He was sending my art to the printers, so he could put the art up as decorations for my birthday party.  He’d cc’ed me.

The art was for a video game I’d designed about praying mantises.  There was a rose I made for the menu screen, and a scene with leaves.  There was a cute, childish aesthetic.  I liked the art and was like–oh, I forgot I designed that video game.  But it was always theoretical.

There were big bags of palo santo for sale at the ashram, but it was dark brown and not like the palo santo I know.

There was this other part where Ming had left out overnight this egg and cheese burrito, and it bothered me that he had wasted it.  I was going to chastise him later.  Please, dream-Laura-Marie.  Don’t be critical.

We lived in this house very unlike our actual house.  Sometimes I wish I made drawings of all the dream buildings I’ve been in.  Who knew I’m an architect.

quiet laughing

What do you think of my birthday dream?  I was laughing, when I woke up, about the mantis video game.  I was thinking, “Hmm, maybe I should make that art.”  And laughing how my dream-self had conflated communities: my old ashram and the Worker here.

Funny, R as a busy young monk, rushing off to do something important, and telling Ming in passing about the birthday party we were supposed to be at, for me.

Well, I woke up with a leg cramp.  So I stood up to help the leg cramp go away.  Then I lay back in bed to cuddle Ming before I got up.  I was laughing about my dream, but I tried to laugh quietly so he could sleep.

My laughing can sound similar to my crying.  So I didn’t want to worry him that I was sad.

the Empress’ new clothes

I felt pretty yesterday morning in some new, comfy clothes that were very inexpensive.

morning walk

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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