Dangerous Compassions

fat fantasy

I was lying in bed with Ming–he was sleeping.  Suddenly, it hit me–a fat fantasy.  Wow!  I was so excited I almost woke Ming up.

clinic for fat people

What if there was a clinic for fat people.  The clinic would specialize in the health of fat people, and be extra good at issues that fat people have more.  There could be extra wide wheelchairs and walkers.  Weigh ins would be optional, and there would be hand rails for stepping on the scale, for those who choose to we weighed.

Respect would be the norm, and talk of intentional weight loss would be unheard.  If a patient brought up intentional weight loss, they would be referred to a HAES dietitian who could respectfully help that patient on their terms.

The fat fantasy clinic’s motto would be Your body is valid, and your health deserves respect.  Or how about No shame to need medical care.  Or how about Your body deserves respectful care.

There would be posters on the walls about the racist roots of fat shaming, and there would be body love and body neutral affirmations in the bathroom.  Fat liberation zines would be reading material in the waiting room.

There would be natural light and flowers.  Doctors and CNAs would be underworkered, with extra support, and could maintain a good mood.  A place that felt good to visit because it actually nurtured life.


Hmm, sounds dreamy.  Ming could be a part-time volunteer RN, and I could be a consultant.  Or maybe a low-load kind caseworker; I’d help few patients, smile a lot, hold hands with people who like holding hands, and do meaningful work.

Patient tears would be the norm, as fat people were moved with joy, experiencing respectful, “of course we can help you with that” care for the first time.  Care without shame, blame, tsk tsk judgment, weight loss cliches, dismissal, or any form of fat hate.

How cool would this be?  A huge amount of people could get way better care!  Yes, amazing.  Improving health outcomes is supposed to be a goal of medicine, right?  I wish that really could happen.  Fat people are valid.  All bodies are valid, even mine.


Or how about if every health care place respected fat people, caring for us as we are, not how doctors thought we should be?  Wild idea.  Being met as we are, today–the valuable, living persons we are.

Doing away with hate-based healthcare would be amazing.  Wow, if going to the doctor was a realistic, affirming experience.  No crying in the parking lot afterward, bitter tears from being unlistened to, unhelped, my problems blamed on my weight, my body treated as wrong and shameful.

They treat my body as an embarrassment they get a gold star for tolerating, not as the beautiful miracle that it is.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  The doctor doesn’t have to be the hero, and me the bad one.  We could all be good.  We could collaborate on health, not this battle I feel, when I speak up for myself.

what healthcare is for

Healthcare is sick.  Doctors on ego trips are not what’s best for my health.  I wish doctors enjoyed my questions and wanted to collaborate with me.  I pay a lot of attention and have 44 years of experience in this body.   I’m smart and articulate–I can explain well what I actually experience.

If a doctor listened to me and respected me, as a partner in my health, rather than considering me the stupid one who’s supposed to shut up and take my medicine, what a world that would be.  I want them to have advanced knowledge about how bodies work and help me with my specific questions, on my terms, not theirs.

Doctors hold the reigns angrily and curse me as non-complaint if I ask too many questions.  They run on the same mistaken common knowledge as most people, subject to the same prejudiced errors.  But why the frown?  They get paid the same whether I ask one question or 20.  They act like I’m hurting them, if I’m curious.

Their emotions being all tied into the care risks my safety.  It’s hard to get past square one when they see me as a problem patient and want to shut me up and push me out the door.  When they disrespect me for my fatness, craziness, and desire to have agency.

skull bra

Here’s me wearing the new skull sports bra.  Thank you for witnessing my liberation.  I was taught to cover up always, so uncovering feels great, as my body asks for it.  Tummy debut!  My fat fantasy come true.

It’s joyous to get sunshine–vitamin d and other bright magic.  Life to fuel more life.

fat fantasy

Then by the river, a different one sports bra.  Love to the tummies.

fat fantasy

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

2 replies on “fat fantasy”

[…] Doctors want to be respected all the time, and then they make a lot of money, so they get their way.  But I need respect, just as much if not more, since I don’t work a job of honor or have a ton of money.  Usually respect goes more to people who are considered more rare, rich, educated.  But I never want to act that way.  Please, Mother God.  Bless me to treat all people with respect. […]

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