Anti-gratitude list for today–thank you for hearing me. Back to our regularly scheduled positivity tomorrow.
- Other people made choices that affect me a lot, without consulting me.
- Blame / shame that doesn’t even make sense. Like doctors blaming me for health issues without knowing anything about my life. Assumptions they make leading to me being blamed for poor choices I didn’t even make. The pain of that.
- People who intentionally misrepresent themselves. They hurt me when I believe the lie, then realize it was a lie.
- How hard it is for me to clean my desk.
- My culture did not prepare me for my mom’s death, or anyone’s death.
- Too much memory. Remembering everything can hurt.
- Having different needs can be so lonely.
- People who notice my liberation, realize they aren’t liberated, and punish me for that. Puritanical jealousy. People who withhold love and resources, because they’re threatened by my happiness.
- Watching my friends suffer as they work terrible jobs, harmed by their bosses, who are harmed by their bosses, back to the big boss who kills himself on his yacht. Way to go, capitalism.
- How hard it is for me to find images I saved on my computer.
- Loss, grief, anguish, terror, anxiety, disappointment that feels like a black hole sucking in any idea of a good possible future.
- People who think they understand, but they have no idea. Disability, trauma, abuse, mental health, what my life really is. What my family of origin was like. What violence can be. I don’t mean good or bad–I mean the mistake-hubris.
- Chrome’s spellcheck sux.
- Power imbalances I’m supposed to pretend aren’t there. Being dommed so hard, I’m supposed to pretend I’m not being dommed.
- Comforts eliminated by covid, disability, poverty, illness, chance. Without replacement comforts.
- Too sad.
