“Hey, honey. I think we should get the vaccine,” I said, since being healthy will allow us to do more love.
“What if it gets complicated?” Ming asked.
“What do you mean?”
“If it gets…complicated!”
“You mean like…if you turn into a superhero?” I was thinking about Spiderman. Some intense transformation.
“But you’re a street medic. You’re a superhero already! Right?”
“Yeah!” he said.
“You save people, and nobody is paying you. That’s a super hero right there.”
“But what if there’s more of a problem?”
“You already have so many problems, no one would notice. It would just blend in, in the problem pile.” I was lying in bed, laughing.
I did a new thing–I shopped for a blowtorch. Basically I want to burn the spines off tunas–big spines and little. Blowtorches are way less expensive than I thought. My dad always had one, among his garage items. I want those fruits without getting poked with spines.
Expectations are part of love. If a baby cries, the baby can expect to be fed. That’s reasonable need–anything else is neglect! Everyone was a baby, and we will all die also, and might be sick or disabled at some point too. Care and inter-dependence are real. Not rare, weird things.
What is love, with no responsibility? A happy, warm feeling. Then something difficult comes up, and that’s considered drama, or distraction. But actually, the difficult part is what needs attention. Doing the difficulties of love is love!
I think of love as an enchilada. I enjoy the whole enchilada, but so many people are looking only for one ingredient, like they only like the meat. But they will pretend to like the tortilla, sauce, cheese, and olive in order to get the meat. It’s gaslighty and painful.
No one is an island. People who pretend they don’t need others are pretending. Then if they learn we are all interdependent, and keep living without accountability and responsibility, that’s immoral.
I need freedom, but I need closeness also. I will be there for others, the people I choose, who we get along well and have mutual respect.
If you are not accountable and struggle to keep your options open, I’m sorry I got too close and saw the truth of how you actually live for just yourself.