“What do you like best about being a hippie?” I asked Ming. I love hippies.
“I’m not a hippie!” he said.
“Look in the mirror!” I said. “You have the hairdo! What’s your favorite thing? My favorite thing is the fresh sauerkraut.”
“Food culture,” Ming said.
“Like Sandor Katz?” I asked.
“Food culture.” Oh, he meant menu options, not culture like yogurt.
“Like tofu stir fry? Buckwheat cereal?” He fell back asleep.
I love hippies. But I wanted to tell you.
things I’m tired of, pertaining to hippies
- People assume I smoke a lot of weed. I don’t smoke any weed, eat edibles, cultivate weed, trim weed, sell weed, like weed, or even pick weeds! I’m a permaculturist. I definitely think it should be legal, and my friends often like it. But not me.
- People think I’m liberal. No…uh, close? Used to be? I’m radical. I meet liberal people and smile, but behind the smile is a load of laughter. I’m laughing at, and with! I’m not the kind of cocktail like a swanky cocktail party to raise funds for your NGO. More another kind of cocktail.
- People think I’m irresponsible or disorganized. They also might believe anarchy = chaos. No, it takes a great deal of organization to create this amount of mischief.
- Abusers who use hippie tropes to relax others and abuse them more. I think of these people as wolves in hemp clothing. They can confuse a lot of trusting, kindhearted lovers. Zero stars, would not be gaslit again.
- People who say things like, “The universe will provide–it always does.” And, “No, I don’t really have a plan yet. It’ll all come together.” The universe provides in the form of a sucker like me. Big-hearted people sacrificing for your well-being is how the universe provides, usually. Damn hippie.
- Reusing metal rings and lids, to store things in mason jars, and how rusty they get. How it feels to touch their light rustiness. Please, sweetheart. Can we get some better lids for our mason jars?
- Creepy gender roles of hippies who really into gender and think women should whatever and men should whatever. That downhome, I will protect you while you’re pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen thing. I never see it work out.
- Fake positivity.
- Cult leaders, horny sadhus, charismatic assholes–when I see through their bullshit, but lots of people don’t.
- Not having decent shampoo. I hate washing my hair with Dr Bronners!
- Dirty dishes, dirty floors.
- Washing disposable plastic silverware and leaving it places until other people throw it away.
- Cloth napkins not laundered since 1997, that I’m supposed to use, that many others already used. Yuck!
- Sourdough starters and scobies foisted upon me.
- Old white guys with beards who think they can kiss me without checking in.
things I love about hippies
Their kids, making and eating sauerkraut, taking a deep breath, learning, peace, DIY, hot springs, direct action, campfires, witchcraft, palo santo, hugs, tiedye, zines, art, Bajas, singalongs, macrame, herbalism, unschooling, not wearing a bra, creative reuse, dumpster diving, bikes, bike carts, long hair, dancing, their vans, options, and just about everything else.