Dangerous Compassions

more I’m grateful for: the whole package

I’m going to get to more I’m grateful for.  But first some anguish.

delivery issues

Some delivery people can’t handle delivering packages to our house.  They assume a dog is in our yard, so they won’t open the gate.  To the contrary–loose dogs roam our neighborhood, and the fence is to keep dogs out, not keep dogs in.

Or they assume an apartment number was mistakenly left off the address.  Rather than knock on a door or talk to a human, they assume an error was made, and say it’s not deliverable.

Part of what’s frustrating is that not every delivery person does this.  Someone today attempted to deliver a package–some rice ramen and replacement lids for five gallon water jugs.  They couldn’t handle whatever.  The address says “purple house” but there are two doors, so that confuses some delivery people also.

It’s common for houses to have two doors, but often, one is on the back side.  So they think an apartment number is missing.  This delivery was attempted at 7:30pm, so maybe they were scared because of night’s darkness.

If it was consistent, that would help.  UPS seems better than USPS.  Other companies are usually good.

In a way, I like nonstandardization.  I love freedom, creativity, the unique.  But at the post office, I would go often enough that I learned–some workers would consider my 6 x 9 inches envelope Large Envelope every time, which is a higher price.  And some recognized it’s possible for that size to be regular envelope, depending on thickness.

It gets so I know more than the workers do, about some subjects.  I make photocopies so much, I know how to use the machines normally for making double sided copies, but also how to load paper and clear jams.  Workers marvel that everyone needs help but me.  I fantasize about getting a job at a copy shop.


My old chromebook was quirk upon quirk, after I used it for a few years.  I guess the final straw was the mouse button on the track pad getting so I had to push it really hard to get the click to register.  Or it would seem to register, then not do the thing I asked, but it would work the second time.

So Ming bought me a $300 chromebook, and it was great except the speaker had a crackle–not all the time, but on certain songs, at a certain volume.  Ming called the help desk, and they had him reset a setting, which did nothing.  Then they said to use external speakers or headphones.  I was like–what?  Why can’t I have working speakers?

So Ming returned it and got another chromebook, same type, but the speakers have the exact same issue.  I’m like–wtf?  Are all the speakers bad, on this model?  And I’m such a music snob, no one notices it but me?

Maybe the chromebooks were made for schoolkids to go to school from home, and the kids wouldn’t complain.  The sound quality is great except for the crackle.

My first two chromebooks were wonderful, over the years, and I like the price.  But I feel so fed up with the speaker thing.  And this one seems to have a mouse button issue with the track pad immediately.  I was zooming with my friend and would click the button to unmute myself, but it wouldn’t click for two or three seconds.

I couldn’t tell if the lag was because the zoom was overtaxed, crappy wifi that moment, or if the button itself was having a problem.  But it was frustrating to have the timing extra-off, in our conversation.  I was muted so she wouldn’t hear an echo, but then the seconds of pushing the button and getting nothing increased my frustration level.  My tolerance for malfunctioning tech is low, with zooms.


I went to sleep, trying to care for myself.  Then I woke up two and a half hours later with an allergy attack.  I blew my nose a bazillion times.  I’m mad that allergy meds make me so sleepy, and at the malfunctions of my own body.

Ming was comforting me.  I told him I was frustrated my body needs so much care.  But that it’s an honor also.  “My body took care of me, for the first 40 years of my life.  Now I take care of her,” I said.

thank you

Thank you for listening to me complain about stuff, if you did indeed listen, Reader friend.  I wish I could give you something, to thank you.  Some candy, maybe, or something I made.

drawingI drew this cat yesterday.  It’s an envelope doodle, but I feel amazed at what I’m learning to do.  Thought I was doomed, to be horrible at drawing.  What a joy, to make some arts that look kind of how I wanted them to, or better.

I like reaching into myself and pulling out something I didn’t even know was there.  That’s one of my favorite feelings.  Here’s more I’m grateful for.

more I’m grateful for
  1. I love water and drinking water.  I don’t need it cold, which is so easy!  Ming needs it cold, which requires effort.
  2. I really appreciate understanding some things deeply, that are pleasurable to understand.  The joy of insight is fantastic, something beautiful I can feel as long as I want to, feeling the hum of Truth.  I don’t hear people talk about that.
  3. Memories of my mom, good times.
  4. The pleasure of listening to someone, not needing to step in when they struggle to remember a word or idea.  Sitting with them, as they search their mind for something.  Seeing what they do with their hands, when they’re trying to remember.  Where their eyes look.  I’ll help them if they ask, but mostly I enjoy their company, a quiet moment.  Then seeing them realize what it was, and feeling happy with them, as we move on.
  5. Feeling a ton of desire is amazing.  I want to make a certain art, dance, write letters to countless loved ones, make walnut sauce pasta with pecans instead, and taste how delicious it is.  Eat garlic, make zines, slice a mango.  Send a new friend the necklace I made for her, let a lot go.


By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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