I didn’t know I was addicted to chocolate until I stopped eating it. I knew I ate it almost every day, but I didn’t know I needed to!
Every year during Sacred Peace Walk time, I would stockpile chocolate. Guess I should have known then that I was relying on it. What helpful comfort.
Chocolate feels like a good remedy to being social, for me. Being social takes everything out of me. Chocolate partially replenishes what gets depleted.
It’s been a couple months now, with no chocolate. I changed what I eat because of an obscure health condition I may or may not have. When I’m social, I crave chocolate afterward, sometimes intensely.
I make pesto, lately. It’s amazing. I thought it was a pain to make, but it’s actually easy. Now I’m a chlorophyll addict, needing pesto. It’s the only food I eat, lately, that’s anything like chocolate.
Chocolate has that intensity, richness, oiliness, strong flavor. It’s like my mouth gets delightfully overwhelmed–sensory overload, in a wanted way. Pesto is similar, but the green brilliance feels even better. The freshness.
This is how I make pesto. It’s vegan. I’m not supposed to eat lemon juice or aged cheeses, but there’s really no need for either.
I put about a fourth a cup of pecans in the bottom of my blender. Two garlic cloves, also. Usually one big and one small. That gives me a smile.
Then I put some salt, about a quarter teaspoon, and enough olive oil to cover that. Next I wash some fresh basil and fill up the blender pitcher halfway or so with fresh basil leaves. I’m careful to get only leaves and maybe a little bit of flowers, but no stem. The stem is too fibery.
I might put some fresh parsley from the garden, and a maybe a few kale leaves from the garden also. Then I start pushing the “ice crusher” button and asking the ingredients to blend up. I often add a little water.
Once it gets semi-blended, I push the button that’s more energetic blending, to make it more liquidy homogeneous. Voila! So amazing!
I put the pesto on rice, sweet potatoes, quinoa, spelt pasta, or potatoes. I’ve had it on lettuce like salad dressing–that was surprisingly good. Once I put some on a sandwich for Ming.
I used to eat hummus with a spoon, I loved it so much. A part of me would almost like to eat pesto with a spoon. It’s that delicious. But it’s fun, to have it as a sauce on something carby.
what is addiction
I read addiction has to mess up your life, to count as addiction. Chocolate never messed up my life. But I heard people get exploited–child labor, slave labor for chocolate production. Yikes. So maybe it messes up theirs.
Maybe what I had is more dependence than addiction. But I’d rather not need anything, except for Ming. And oxygen and all that. Maybe my trike also.