Dangerous Compassions

needing pesto

I didn’t know I was addicted to chocolate until I stopped eating it.  I knew I ate it almost every day, but I didn’t know I needed to!

Every year during Sacred Peace Walk time, I would stockpile chocolate. Guess I should have known then that I was relying on it.  What helpful comfort.

Chocolate feels like a good remedy to being social, for me.  Being social takes everything out of me.  Chocolate partially replenishes what gets depleted.

It’s been a couple months now, with no chocolate.  I changed what I eat because of an obscure health condition I may or may not have.  When I’m social, I crave chocolate afterward, sometimes intensely.

pesto helps

I make pesto, lately.  It’s amazing.  I thought it was a pain to make, but it’s actually easy.  Now I’m a chlorophyll addict, needing pesto.  It’s the only food I eat, lately, that’s anything like chocolate.

Chocolate has that intensity, richness, oiliness, strong flavor.  It’s like my mouth gets delightfully overwhelmed–sensory overload, in a wanted way.  Pesto is similar, but the green brilliance feels even better.  The freshness.

pesto recipe

This is how I make pesto.  It’s vegan.  I’m not supposed to eat lemon juice or aged cheeses, but there’s really no need for either.

I put about a fourth a cup of pecans in the bottom of my blender.  Two garlic cloves, also.  Usually one big and one small.  That gives me a smile.

Then I put some salt, about a quarter teaspoon, and enough olive oil to cover that.  Next I wash some fresh basil and fill up the blender pitcher halfway or so with fresh basil leaves.  I’m careful to get only leaves and maybe a little bit of flowers, but no stem.  The stem is too fibery.

I might put some fresh parsley from the garden, and a maybe a few kale leaves from the garden also.  Then I start pushing the “ice crusher” button and asking the ingredients to blend up.  I often add a little water.

Once it gets semi-blended, I push the button that’s more energetic blending, to make it more liquidy homogeneous.  Voila!  So amazing!

I put the pesto on rice, sweet potatoes, quinoa, spelt pasta, or potatoes.  I’ve had it on lettuce like salad dressing–that was surprisingly good.  Once I put some on a sandwich for Ming.

I used to eat hummus with a spoon, I loved it so much.  A part of me would almost like to eat pesto with a spoon.  It’s that delicious.  But it’s fun, to have it as a sauce on something carby.

what is addiction

I read addiction has to mess up your life, to count as addiction.  Chocolate never messed up my life.  But I heard people get exploited–child labor, slave labor for chocolate production.  Yikes.  So maybe it messes up theirs.

Maybe what I had is more dependence than addiction.  But I’d rather not need anything, except for Ming.  And oxygen and all that.  Maybe my trike also.


By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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