What a lovely flower head! Seed head. I have a head full of seeds. I’m imagining them bursting out in a safe, beautiful, green way.
I wrote this morning for a zine, about what sexy is, how I learned what it is, and how I found my own way. But it’s still confusing to try to photograph. We keep trying.
Then tonight I was writing about trauma and what kids need, and how society gives us very few tools then blames us when we turn out not functional. We seem to owe a lot to society after being given very little. The balance is off.
If I could communicate a message to the whole world, the cloth flying behind the plane would say this: Not everyone needs the same things. I see that’s a huge misconception that hurts a lot. Some people need quiet–some people need noise. Some people need to focus, for hours on end. Some people need distraction. Some people need very specific things that are totally valid, about sensory stuff. Some people need a lot of space. Some people need a lot of touch.
“We’re all the same inside and need the same things,” is so untrue and has hurt me really bad. From what temperature I need to be, to whether I need music playing, to whether I want to be a parent or drive a car or how I want to eat. Ming has a lot of regular needs, but then he has special ones too.
I appreciate lots of choices. So please don’t go around spreading the untruth. If you need all normal stuff, good for you. I need some stuff that’s really different. I’m not being picky or overly particular or demanding–they are basic things, to me. The tv turned off, no pets, no lard in my tamales. A certain level of privacy. A certain amount of physical contact. Alternatives to capitalism, for sure.
“Why do you think I’m wearing orange and red?” I asked Ming. “I’m a flame. I’m burning love for you! And you’re wearing orange too. We go together.” Like a flame to the fire.
It’s cooling down finally, in the night. I’m thinking about going nocturnal. I’m thinking about a ritual for self-containedness. I’m thinking about intuition, relationship, what I most want, and the future.