Dangerous Compassions

feeling Shakti energy by loving fruits, art, and Ming

Ming picks good apricots.  Grateful to him.

I do a lot of things.  Some of them feel important.  I didn’t sleep enough, so my art filter was turned off.  It was easier to do art.

There was a big wind, so outside I saw on the ground in the courtyard, eucalyptus twigs had fallen, and they were special because the tree was about to flower, so there were cute little buds.

Definitely felt like a day to honor Mother God.  Long ago, I think when I turned 17, my best friend made me a crown of eucalyptus leaves.  We were at a park in San Luis Obispo.  It’s a thing to do.

Sometimes lately I tell Ming,” I want…something.”  A feeling of desire is stirring in me that I don’t have anything to attach to. 

I try chocolate, but no chocolate is right.  Pizza doesn’t work either.  Tea is definitely good, but nope.  Cheesecake hasn’t worked, but I only tried vegan cheesecake.  Maybe I should try the regular stuff.

My mom died four months ago today.  I made it through a third of a year.  I have to keep doing this.  In a way, it seems fitting that when she died, the whole world was thrown into chaos.  Not that her death caused it, or was caused by it. 

But everyone’s off their rocker lately.  So I’m like, yearh, shit’s fucked.  I see that!  I do a few things at once.  Grieve, quarantine, make art, txt people.

Luckily Ming’s hugs are helping me, love from friends and community, writing.  I’m laying out the trike diaries zine. 

Things change all the time, whether I want them to or not.  I took this picture of our tallest tree collard and Ming, sweetheart for scale.  Aw, sorry I used you, lover.  You’re not a ruler, but you are a monarch!  Mx Monarch for scale, the Sun King.

I wanted to watch the movie The Cup for this certain scene I love–toward the end, when the electricity goes out and the monks do shadow puppets.  I wanted to see it again and for Ming to see it.  He let me take his picture as he watched, in bed.

By then I’d bailed on the movie and was waiting just for my favorite scene.  Ming usually watches movies where stuff blows up a lot.  I asked him what he liked about The Cup.  He said the costuming.  I asked him again, and he said the same.

My filter on making art turns off, but my insecurity, irritability, and taking things personally go sky high.  So it’s a tradeoff.

Summer fruits are here to comfort us and remind me of where we are in the year.  Yep, summer is coming again.  I’m a person still, and for now, let’s enjoy the sweetness.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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