Dangerous Compassions

learning zone

“You’re like the cat that says–why are you torturing me?!  And I say–this is the medicine that saves your life.  Stop biting me,” I told Ming.  It was my scathing analysis of his behavior at me, at that moment, and we were laughing.

“Do you know how a dog is barking, and then you hear a new sound, which is chilling, because it’s the sound of the dog throwing its body against the thing that’s keeping it back, trying to break through the thing that’s restraining it.  The thing that’s keeping it from killing you.” 

Ming said yes.  “Be careful, out there,” I cautioned.  There are a lot of dogs in our neighborhood, some more restrained than others.

I have a problematic crown.  It comes loose periodically.  I don’t appreciate it.  We tried some storebought cement to glue it back down this time, but it didn’t work.  So I’m going to the dentist this afternoon, which prettymuch ruins my day right there.

I changed into a person who can do webinars and watch videos sometimes on youtube.  What do you think?  Do you still like me?

That reminds me of when I was visiting a good friend for the first time, eight years ago.  He asked something about how I deal with being crazy without psych meds.

“I do take psych meds,” I told him.  “Do you still like me?”

He said he still liked me.  That was a good trip at the beginning of me and Ming’s relationship, when I was without a place to live.  We traveled, camped, couchsurfed, and slept in a house that was being foreclosed, security guards in a way, so no one would steal the copper pipes.  That’s where my pinched nerve pain started, as I slept on a yoga mat on a hardwood floor.

I have some saguaro cactus seeds, not sure what to do with them.  I guess the obvious answer is to plant them.  But then I have to tend them.  Sounds like a huge commitment!  I like spikey things only elsewhere.  I guess mohawks are ok.

I’m comfortable with discomfort.  I like awkward.  I think it’s a fun kind of learning, if I can stay in the learning zone and not enter the panic zone.

This is as spikey as I get.  My priestess friend gave me these three beautiful agave pups, meaningful pertaining to her mom.  They seem ok in their pot, making me feel happy, but I hope to plant them in the ground soon.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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