“He’s missing some parts,” Ming said, talking crap about the psyche of a mutual acquaintance.
“What about me? Am I missing some parts?” I asked.
He thought about it. I was using a tissue to dust the bottom of a very slightly dusty jar that had been on my desk, using a Sharpie marker to push the tissue to make contact with the glass better. “Maybe,” he said.
“Well, at least I can use simple tools. I’m as smart as a raven!” I said. I looked into the jar. It was now dust-free.
In celebration of 50% Off Cheap Chocolate Day yesterday, we went to the store for cheap chocolate. There was very little chocolate. The doorman told me shapes of stuffed animal I could buy. We have Bunny–Bunny is enough. But I did see a pretty sea turtle.
Yesterday some things went wrong. Mail overwhelmed me. Then i spilled water on my desk including my computer. Then I ran out of spoons and felt malfunctiony. Ming came home late. I was having trouble eating. Then we had a sad, intense conversation like an argument.
I realized some things. I realized maybe we should have said no to everything for the month after Mom died. We feel ok and agree to stuff, but then it’s too much.
If I get upset then hate myself for it, that’s really adding insult to injury. Need a way to give myself a break.
A mockingbird is singing outside. Ming came back to bed and slightly wakes up when I cough. I guess I should find some breakfast.
I’m crazy, not stupid. I believe if anything is missing from my psyche, it’s made up for by something extra that I have.
I read an article years ago about how gay people could make sense evolutionarily. It said how gay people can strengthen community / humanity by being good aunts and uncles. So then if the gay people don’t have kids physically, they’re still caring for their genes less directly.
I think about that a lot. I don’t need to have kids, work for money, or do capitalism right to be a valid person. I think about how I can help other ways.
I have a godchild. I was dusting the jar to put twelve colorful dino erasers into for a present. I’m trying to think of a funny way to label the jar, to improve the present. Maybe “emergency dinosaurs.”