Dangerous Compassions

new motto, hyphenated religions, trusting others to be ok when we’re not there

Lately I’ve been telling Ming a lot, “You don’t have to justify shit to me,” because he’ll start explaining something I’ve known for a long time.  It’s not that I don’t want to hear his explanation.  More that I know where’s at and that his heart is gold.

I’m not demanding to know any background on why he did a certain thing, or for him to dance for his forgiveness.  I’m ready to let it go quickly, usually.

I realized I want to say this sentence to myself too, and have that same kindness.  So I thought it might be a good motto for 2020.  I wrote it on a paper and asked Ming to draw some squids, his specialty.  

Then I requested a jellyfish also.  He sketched some sample jellyfish, which I rejected.  Then I sketched what I had in mind, and he did that but better, on the special paper where I’d written the sentence.  Isn’t it lovely?  Or maybe you just think it’s weird.  Maybe it’s only appealing to our family.  It can be really hard for me to predict stuff like that.

I like the idea of just letting myself be, trusting myself, not requiring of myself a ton of chatter about reasons.  I have integrity, so I can believe in my good intentions and go with that.

We saw some friends.  I missed taking pictures with one of them.  But for dinner we went to our friend’s house near Mt Everest and saw some people who are family-like for us.  Someone made delicious eggplant parmesan.

I talked to a kid I love who has been very quiet much of her life and has a non-language way of talking that consists of some strange little sounds.  I was happy she talked to me in a regular language.

“What did you get for Christmas?” I asked her.

“Binoculars,” she said quietly.

“Who gave them to you?  Santa?”

“My grandma,” she said.

“What are you going to look at?” I asked.  “Birds?”

She was playing with a little dog.  Ming and I have housesit there before, and petsit, so I kind of know that dog.  There had been three dogs, but Cerilo died, then Bill.  So now they’re down to Axel.

“Is Axel lonely?” I asked.

“Only when he’s alone,” said the kid.  She looked at me seriously, with Axel on her lap, and it felt like an important moment.  I thought that was a beautiful belief she had, about Axel’s wellbeing or mental health.  She trusts Axel to be ok, which is something I’d like to learn from.

This friend we saw also, who’s moving away, which I don’t appreciate.  But we’ve had some good times.  He’s a Quaker-Hindu.  All three of us have hyphenated religions, which is cool.

Here’s me in Tecopa writing a poem on accident with Ming’s annoying pen.  The bright green blanket was a prop in a civil disobedience.  It’s fun to give it another life.  I said we were on a salt flat, but it was actually a hill, with the earth really soft and a crust of salt on it.

Today we’re seeing another friend and her cousin.  I’ll give her zines, and she’ll look at the space where she’s invited to paint a mural.  In the evening, we might go to a party.

“I don’t mind a holiday that’s one day,” someone told me yesterday.  “But this just goes on and on!”

The other day, I uttered to Ming the sentence, “This lack of routine is killing me!”  It was hyperbole, and I was letting off steam, but my extreme sentence is noted.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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