Dangerous Compassions

keep Laura-Marie weird

I had a weird day.  I always have the feeling–when my day is weird, that’s a good sign that I’m on the right path.  Trying things, doing something new.

I had therapy at 10, talked meanderingly about many things, said a lot of curse words.  I like more focus and problem solving, but talking is valuable.

I wondered for a while if talking and writing were two different things, for me.  I wanted to believe no, that writing was as good as talking, that they’re the same thing.  But I decided recently that that’s not true–definitely, using my mouth and breath to form words, hearing them out loud, and being witnessed in real time with a present human is a whole other thing from writing.

It was weird I had an appetite for a while in the late morning and wanted a rice burrito with cheese.  But I needed the cheese melted.  I was trying to figure out how to get that.

It was weird in the grocery store, I got totally exhausted and almost had to leave Ming to pay.

It was weird how things seemed strangely funny.  Laughing at stuff other people did not laugh at.  Sweet potatoes really are funny, but I can’t say why.

It was weird I was looking at this coat I wanted–it got on my amazon wishlist last January, when Las Vegas was snowy.  I could probably not need a real coat, except I serve early mornings on the soupline once a week, so when it’s freezing out, I have to be in that weather.  The coat I wanted was $130, a special lovely coat with removable liner, recommended by a fat stranger.

So I was on ebay today and found it for $60.  I offered $45, and my offer was accepted, so with shipping and tax, I did pay $60.  It will be here in a few days.  The seller said she wore it twice.

I also weirdly did a ton of research on growing microgreens.  Can’t recall why that suddenly seemed totally important.  I learned about substrates, soil vs hydroponic, growing microgreens on screens on trays, ph of tap water, watering times–all different ways to do it.  I love eating sunflower microgreens, but pea greens look amazing too.

Ming and I went outside to check out our south facing window.  Ming was complaining about bugs.  “This is outside–there’s supposed to be bugs,” I said.

I ended up taking these round groovy trays Ming has had for years, putting paper towels on one, wetting the paper towels, spreading chia seeds on them, washing a new small plastic spray bottle, spraying the seeds with water, covering the tray, and basically trying that out.

I’ve never tasted chia greens.  I think it only takes a few days.  I happened to have the chia seeds.  If it works and I like them, I might buy some unbleached paper towels.

But the seeds are left over from the Sacred Peace Walk, so it was easy to try.  I eat chia seeds in my oatmeal sometimes, but mostly they were just sitting there.

I used to sprout a lot, in a mason jar–I grew lentil sprouts, mung bean sprouts, garbanzo bean sprouts a few times–didn’t like those as much.  I tried buckwheat sprouts–didn’t like those at all.  Pea sprouts were delicious.

It was easy, like gardening but simple and not requiring much muscle.  Cheap salad, small scale, low commitment.

Then when we moved to Las Vegas, it seemed too complicated.  I guess I’m getting more functional, since it seems possible again.

Every day I’m a little more well.  I’ve been eating liquids for dinner–a cup of vegan protein broth, and some diluted juice.  It’s working out.

Ming bought me some special popcorn today.  I can’t eat it yet, but I think in a couple days, I can probably eat like regular.

Oh, the bad news is Ming feels sick.  I think he got my stomach flu.  I told him he can carry around a bag to barf in.

“I’m not going to barf in a bag!” he said.

“What are you going to barf in?” I asked.

“I’ll barf behind the couch, like everyone else,” he said.  Not sure what that was about.  But we agreed today to get rid of one of the couches.  We hate couches.

It was weird someone was supposed to come over to hem Ming’s pants and didn’t show.  So I looked up how to hem pants and decided to try it.  I don’t have pins, but I decided I could use gaffer’s tape, to indicate where to put the hem and hold it in place as I sew, peeling the tape back bit by bit, and that might actually work better for me.

Gaffer’s tape doesn’t leave a residue when you remove it.  I bought it for bookbinding, not gaffering, of course.

Oh, one last thing.  It was weird I was lying in bed, listening to “Higher Ground” by Stevie Wonder.  Ming came into the bedroom and said, “Listening to that rap music, huh?”

“This is Stevie Wonder!” I said.  I told him I thought Stevie Wonder was on Sesame Street.  I think I saw him when I was a little kid.

I played Ming “Isn’t She Lovely” which is from 1976.  How weirdly appropriate, as that song about the birth of a loved baby girl is from the year I was born.  “I can’t believe what God has done / through us he’s given life to one” has always been my favorite part.

Wow, education doesn’t get better than that.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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