Dangerous Compassions

twenty four questions that bother me

“What are you doing?  It’s not morning,” I told Ming.

“I had a nightmare,” he said.

“Oh, poor baby.  Come here,” I said.  We hugged.

“You’re awake too,” he said.

“I’ve been up and down like a Jack in the box.  Without the curly fries,” I said.  This made me laugh.

Now he’s unloading the dishwasher.  Dogs are barking outside, to one another–the neighborhood canine choir.

1.  Are feelings ok?  Do they mean anything?  Can I trust them?

2.  Is it better to eat vegan things that are possibly made of canola oil and magic, or to eat the actual thing (cheese, milk, eggs) even though animals suffer and factory farming is a huge polluter?  Is it good to go back and forth, having some variety?  Does organic matter?

3.  Should I go to the doctor, or should I change my name and move to another continent?  How much of any medicine is helpful?

4.  Is debt just a number, or is it a real thing that will hurt me later?  Is there something moral about it, or just logistical?

5.  What is family?  Do I expect too much?

6.  Are people worth it?  Are people mostly good or bad?  Should I keep trying to see many kinds of people, or should I get more insular?

7.  Should I try to help my neighbors, with love in my heart, or should I avoid them because it’s putting myself in danger?

8.  Am I ok the way I am?  Should I work at being appropriate, or should I loosen up more and let others figure out how to cope with my extremisms?

9.  How much should I share, and how much should I keep for myself?  Does giving lead to more receiving?  How much do I need? Can I trust I’ll get more when I need it?

10.  Is helping people even possible?  How much can people see beyond their own eye sockets?  Does anyone listen at all?

11.  How do magnets work?  Why is there a universe?  Are the laws of physics arbitrary?

12.  Is trusting people always going to bite me in the butt, eventually?

13.  Do electric cars even make sense?  Is power from electricity plants really less polluting than gas?

14.  How did money become more important than life?  How do we change love to be the most important thing?  Was it ever?

15.  How important are other people’s opinions?  Is being really quiet ok, and clamming up?  Is it ok to make other people uncomfortable by being who I am?

16.  Does protesting make a difference at all?  How do we create change?

17.  Do I really need to be afraid of the things I’m most afraid of?  Does agonizing about death help me figure it out?  Could I stop if I tried?

18.  Are therapists tools of normalcy who encourage people to stay in bad situations and fiddle while Rome burns, or are they any kind of person who’s good at listening and experienced with human problems? Are they truly helpful or a bandaid on a deep wound?

19.  How much do things that happened a long time ago matter?  How do I heal and move on?  How do I know if I’m moving at the right rate?

20.  How do I find meaning in life when my previous ways fail?  If my entire life is based on intimacy and reaching out to people with words and love, how do I keep going when all that seems impossible?

21.  Do all utopias become dystopias?  Is it better to let people run free and chaotic and get nothing done?

22.  Would women do a better job?  Is gender real?  How much are stereotypes true?

23.  How would anarchy really work?

24.  Are teeth cleanings and carbon offsets a scam?  How much of conventional wisdom is false?  Should I rail against falseness, or should I float downstream on the innertube of indifference?

I’ve tried googling and find fluff that tells me the meaning of life is dogs or sunsets.  I know how to enjoy eating an orange.  I have some experience, but I’d like something I never thought of.

Hmm, I’m reading the wikipedia article–carbon offsets sound like buying indulgences.  Maybe this topic is not for 2:47 in the morning.  Gnight, reader friends.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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