I saw this meme on facebook that bothered me. It was saying women should stop tempering our statements. Instead of I think you should leave, we should say You need to leave. Or maybe just Leave.
It bothered me because if there’s a thing a lot of women do, I want to do that thing, maybe. I don’t think telling me to talk more like a man is a nice thing to tell me. Directness can be good, and concision. But life isn’t a classified ad.
When someone says I think you should leave, the I think has a function there. What is your brain doing, during those two words? I think mine is preparing for the rest of the sentence.
Also, maybe the listener feels less attacked. Is contributing to people feeling attacked all day really going to make my life better? Maybe if you live on a personal growth commune where conflict is your idea of fun. I would prefer a chill commune.
A lot is communicated through tone and body language anyway.
I bristle at anyone trying to control my language. I really hate Non-Violent Communication. I don’t need a new system for talking–I know how to talk. Ming has a learning disability related to language. NVC has been useful to him. I kinda like the idea, but I’ve seen people use it to hurt and manipulate people so creepily. The fakiness is painful too.
My words aren’t sheep and I need some kinda language sheep dog nipping at them to keep them together. Or a gendery editor cutting words that make me seem weak.
How about if I said men should start tempering their statements more. Men, I think it would be better if you spoke more like women.
Instead of I won another award, say The patriarchy is still ruling everything.
Instead of Take off your clothes, say How can I help you be happier and improve your life?
Instead of Drop the bomb, try The war is over.
Just an idea!