Dangerous Compassions

A for effort

“You know, a lot of people seem to think women are born knowing how to put on makeup.  But it’s a skill.  I have no idea how to put on makeup.  I don’t want to, but I think it’s really cool that some people want to and can do it really well.  But I feel like they get no credit for it,” I said.

Ming was loading the dishwasher.  Speaking of skills.  One of our minivan’s many quirks is there’s no reservoir for windshield wiper fluid.  What happened to it?  The bottom is gone, to the reservoir.  I don’t know how that happened.

That van is a quirk on wheels.  The guy who sold it to us–sorry to say, he was full of lies.  Paint problems, the lack of reservoir bottom, the windows that don’t roll down right.  The fuel gauge being wrong, radio issues.  The horn doesn’t work.  It has the jankiest transmission in the world.  I’m surprised his nose didn’t lengthen like Pinocchio’s.

I decided we need a cleaner windshield.  Used to be, at the gas stations, there was always a squeegee.  Then some places they would get stolen, and no one wanted to replace them.

I got a rectangular bucket from laundry detergent.  We have a squeegee.  I put warm water in the bucket with a squeeze of Dr Bronner’s.  I washed the windshield.  Well, you know what?  I sucked at it.

I read these websites on how to do it.  They recommended all these products.  I felt overwhelmed by advice.

I thought, maybe Dr Bronner’s will be ok.  They said to do it in the shade, but we had no shade.  I thought if I moved fast, I’d be ok.

Wrong!  It was so streaky.  I felt a little sad at how bad it looked.  Moving fast has never been my strong point.  I realized I should wait till nightfall–that would be my best way to get shade.

I decided to see it as a learning experience.  A lot of things fail, first try, right?  This would be like the control, or what not to do.  I’ll do better next time.

As for now, I feel proud of myself for trying.  I have so many good ideas and intentions, and don’t always have the energy to follow through.  I think my energy is improving.  I gave Ming a high five that I tried.

He’s making tea.  I was wanting to make that special salad I like.  We have the ingredients.  But it involves salad dressing.

I feel weird about salad dressing.   It can be so delicious.  But it’s really intense.  Kind of like excellent orange juice or apple cider.  So flavorful and dense.  It tastes amazing, but it’s an experience I don’t always feel ready for.

“Would it be crazy if I asked you to pick me some collards?” I asked Ming.

“Right now?” he asked.

I was saying there’s a light right there, but he was saying the leaves he chose wouldn’t be very good.  But he’d do it for me.  Then I realized I could use peas as my veg–we always have frozen peas.

My tummy was doing bad like my ulcer was bleeding again, for two days.  But praise God, it feels better now.

I was trying to figure out what to do.  Should I stop eating?  Should I eat certain things?  The internet wasn’t helping me.  I ate dinner, and it was fine.  Pasta with butter, two hard boiled quail eggs, cookies.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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