Dangerous Compassions


I want to make this vegan chili mac recipe someone posted on facebook.  I need a specific kind of vegan cheese spread.  Oh and some pretend meat.

Today I expect very little of myself.  I have to go to the doctor, and that’s my thing for the day.  Doctors scare me a lot, especially new ones.  I know rationally that if he’s no good, I just won’t go back.  And I’ll have Ming with me to protect me.  But the fear is in my body.

I got this big box of fancy Christmas cards–someone gave them to me at a party.  They have iridescent glitter, little bows made of ribbon, tiny plastic jewels.  Three-dimensional elements.  The snowman’s scarf is made of blue actual fabric.  The glitter comes off, though, which I feel bad about.  Don’t want to afflict people with rogue glitter.

Tomorrow my friend is doing a free flower essences treatment on me.  She speaks little English and I speak little Spanish.  She’s asking me all these questions over facebook messenger about my temperament and attitudes using google translate.  It’s great.  She does acupuncture and reiki as well.  She is a warm and energetic young woman, full of laughter and hugs.

This new guy moved into the back house, but then he vanished.  We think he went back to his homeless home under a bridge.  But today he has a medical appointment Ming is supposed to bring him to.  We’ll see if he reappears.  Some people need their freedom.

yes, I know how to say no. I worry about climate change and environmental destruction but I feel pretty good about my own personal future. I feel curious about my future but not scared. laziness, I have lots of ideas but not the energy to do the actions. I could think and plan all day but my body doesn’t want to move. when I get sad, I usually have a reason, some challenges in relationships. no, I don’t feel much guilt. I do volunteer work caring for others, but I spend all day doing self-care also. the thought of defeat does not overwhelm me–my problem is figuring out what I really want. I try to think of a goal or dream and can have trouble doing that. no, my thoughts are pretty good.

By Laura-Marie

Good at listening to the noise until it makes sense.

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